I AGREE WITH: Great Politcial Ads.

The North Carolina Democratic primary is coming up, and both candidates are campaigning not far from my house. This also means, once again, more news cameras on campus.

Recently, I have grown extremely frustrated with the media coverage of the 08' Presidential Election. In the pursuit of sensationalized - "1st on the Scene" - coverage, critical issues are overlooked. But, what make matters worse is that the news media seems to have no clue what makes a compelling story. I could care less about Hillary's negative campaign adds or Obama's Pastor.
What America wants is more Chuck Norris.

Mass media hear me clearly:
"If you're not going to offer us nourishment, at least know what type of junk food we like!"


The Fun doesn't have to stop here.
Try this and this too.
(WARNING !!! There are 2 curse words and Tracy Morgan mentions black people.)

Terrible Analogies

My job title is Motivational Speaker, but that's a bad description of what I do. At EPIC-Leadership, I help individuals honestly reflect upon their lives and pursue helpful changes. And, considering the amount of self-deception the vast majority of us languish in, I will never be out of a job.

During this process, I use a great deal of analogies. Because these analogies are terrible, I do not use them. But, that doesn't mean they should go to waste. *Enjoy*



1. Elliot fell 2 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled
with vegetable soup.

2. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

3. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

4. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Ryan Seacrest's teeth.

5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

6. His thoughts tumbled in his head, like a cat trapped in dryer.

Have an awesome day,
-joe

PS: Find more of these here

I Agree: I did not fit in as a Child.

I Agree: I did not fit in as a Child.

By most accounts, I was an extremely awkward child. In large part this was due to the fact my parent raised me in two radically different worlds. From the ages of Birth to 12 I grew up in some of the toughest neighborhoods in North Carolina. The graduation rate from high school in my community was terribly low, most of my friends ended up joining gangs, and I got beat up alot. I never really fit in within this world because my parents were really invested in preparing me for more than just a life of poverty. So, when I spoke with correct grammar and made good grades, the other kids made fun of me and beat me up. That was pretty much my life. Until my parents finally made enough money to move us out of the hood and into a "good" neighborhood.

When my family moved to Marrietta, I was convinced I would finally make some friends (or at least stop getting beat up so much). I was wrong. In the neighborhood I grew up in, we were only the second black family to live there. Most of the kids in my class had never met another black person any place other than on television. And apparently, I didn't live up to the high standards Theo Huckstuble set. And, yet again I didn't fit in.

This story eventually has a happy ending. This May I am in the weddings of one of the kids that regularly punched me in the face.

"Black is the new President"

I have always liked John Mccain. He's a good man, and a great American Hero. (He's NOT the greatest American Hero. I think we all know who that is.)

I respect the fact that he was an old white guy in congress that believed in "change," even before it popular to cheer for speeches about "change."

Don't get it twisted, I'm voting for Obama in 08. In case you have forgotten people - I am black. However, as I post this spoof video, I want to admit that in 5 of the 5 past presidential elections, I dreamed of voting for John Mccain. It hurts my heart to hear Dems. bash Mccain; because, they don't see him as anything but a republican. Dems. forget how much the Bush Administration hated Mccain for the last 8 years. He should not be president, but he should be respected. Enjoy the spoof - I sure did.

Your Rainbow Tastes Crappy!

The geniuses at the Skittles factory have decided to begin making Chocolate Skittles. I tried them today. I almost died. I did not, but almost. My challenge to the people making both Skittle commercials and the candy is to stop making things that make me feel awkward.

Though my parents never let me own pets, I did attend the fourth grade. There in Ms. Bareno's class, I had a pet Guinea pig for a year. And, from that point on, small brown pellets could mean only one thing - poop.

I don't eat poop. I don't want to feel like I'm eating poop; therefore, having tried the new Chocolate Skittles I have come as close to eating poop as I will ever desire to come. The regular Rainbow is fine people; stop trying to fix it.

Self Discipline: I don't have enough.

Tiffany (my wife) believes that, compared to the average person, I have a greater ability to thoughtfully consider my behavior patterns and make the necessary adjustments. She is a smart woman, and I would like to take that compliment seriously. But, recent events have reminded me that I am likely more self-reflective than most people. This is different than self-disciplined.

In my case, I can often explain to you what is wrong with me with greater accuracy than most individuals. Changing those flaws/weaknesses/spaces that require improvement, is a completely different skill-set altogether. When it comes to doing the tough work of growing and letting go of unhealthy or unhelpful aspects of my personality, I am still the same whinny, self-absorbed, insecure child as most actors.

This is not good enough. I will get better - maybe even today.

This is officially the cutest Youtube video of the year.

No really it was voted the cutest video of the year.

Imrpov is CRAZY, similar to ZOMBIE Babies!

My friend Ted made a bingo game for the improv shows I'm in. Ted is Amazing.
My friend Jeremy Griffin wrote a scene to explain to non-improv folks what it looks like when I do improv most of the time. Jeremy is Crazy!

This is the Bingo Board:

This is the scene:
Joe: Hi, welcome to the show, can we have a suggestion?

Audience Member: Yankee candle!

Audience Member #2: Boa Constrictor!

Audience Member #3: Tandem Condom!

(Joe Laughs. Also, he is wearing a Superman outfit.)

Audience member #4: "Dish Washing Liquid"

Joe: Great, I heard Dish washing Liquid, thank you.

(Player 1 enters.)

Player 1: Hey, Lerlene, do we have any more dish washing liquid, or should I go to the store and pick some up?

Joe: (Bats his eyes and twirls a parasol.) What? (In a girly, high pitched voice.) We just had dishwashing liquid yesterday! I swear, its hard running a 24 hour church sometimes.

Player 1: Well, ever since we turned it into an orphanage, there's just so many mouths to feed. So many dishes to do.

Joe: I hate all these babies. I'm gonna punch one in the face if it keeps eating all of our food. Babies, you make Jesus mad.

(Several players populate the stage as infants, crawling around.)

Player 1: Now, Lerlene, you know nobody will adopt a bruised-up baby. We have to restrain from beating 'em.

Joe: I'm gonna kill some of these babies if they keep getting in my way! (He pulls a shotgun from behind him and starts shooting the babies mercilessly. They die.)

Player 1: What the heck are you doing? Have you lost your mind, Lerlene?

Joe: I'm crazy! (Joe laughs at this.)

Player 2: (Enters hurriedly) What's going on, I heard gunshots!

Joe: Look, grandma, this is what I had to do. Those babies were acting crazy.

Player 1: Lerlene's lost it, Granny, call the sheriff!

Player 2: (Turning to run.) Sheriff!!!

Joe: Not so fast, Grandma! Stop her, Martin Luther King!

Player3: (Enters as a Frankensteinesque MLK, grabbing Player2.) GrrrGGRRR!

Joe: (laughing at this.) Everybody just be cool! (He jumps up on a block with his back to the wall, still holding the shotgun.)

Player 1: Lerlene, please, its gonna be ok, just let grandma go, ok? (He approaches Joe.) Please, I promise it'll be just like it used to be. (He embraces Joe/Lerlene, and begins to go in for a kiss. Joe leaps away.)

Joe: If God were here, he would tell us all what he told Abraham, "honor thy wife and she will honor thee in return."

Player 4: (Entering as God.) Did someone say my name? Ho ho ho!

Joe: God?!? What are you doing here?

Player 4: Well it is my house, isn't it? Saaayyyyy, who wants to have a DANCE PARTY? (He begins to break it down, doing the cabbage patch or some such move. Joe starts to beatbox.)

(All the players are dancing. The babies rise up and dance like little baby zombies. Joe grinds up on one of them, doing that dance that he does.)

Joe: Wait a minute, you're a zombie baby! That is crazy!

(Scene.)

This entire post is why you should come see a show at the DSI comedy theater.

And it seems to me that the following holds true:
Player 1 = Becky Wittemore ("Lerlene's lost it, Granny, call the sheriff!")
Player 2 = Joe Stanton ("What's going on, I heard gunshots!")
Player 3 = PT Scarborough ("GrrrGGRRR!")
Player 4 = Jeremy Griffen ("Did someone say my name? Ho ho ho!")

Why I love comedy. Drillbit Taylor - funny and funniest.

Drillbit Taylor, life coach.



I'm Joe Jones and I approve of this message.

There are a great deal of arguments for Abstenance...

but my favorite is "your girl friend probably has an STD." These findings are either really terrifying and a serious wake up call or a joke, in either case I would recommend that young people calm the doing-it down, cause STD's suck. And, ladies I'm not happy you have STD's, but let's be honest, you don't lie as much as guys. Most of your boyfriends probably have them too, but guys lie even on anonymous surveys.

Keep it in your pants people.
-joe jones